I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His nipple licking is glorious
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
