Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
