you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument