Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
