I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
