Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
