Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
