well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
