I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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