well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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