You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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