So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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