She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
