Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
