so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
