So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I will be naked everywhere
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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