Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
