her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
