He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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