spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
