I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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