Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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