So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
