my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
