My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
