At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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