good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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