there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
