Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
