I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
