no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
