You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
