Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
