this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
