I'm going to jail i love you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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