I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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