thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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