I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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