I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
