just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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