she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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