Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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