i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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