He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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