I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
