she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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