No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
