That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
