I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
