dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So much Jack, so little girl.
my liver is dry heaving
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
