Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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