Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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