Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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