He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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