why didn't you poke me back
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
