Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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