Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
