He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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