I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
