he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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