why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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