When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
