Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
