looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
