Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
