If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
