my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
