ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
