I hate all girls vehemently.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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